Whats the Charge Officer?

more or less

2010-04-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

Em trai dang duoi con meo OR con meo dang tren em trai.

Two ways to say the same useless thing. One is "the boy is under the cat" and the other is "the can is on top of the boy" Don't ask me to add the accent marks cuz i can't. I might be able to pronounce these things so that an actual native Vietnamese speaker could understand me but it would be a stretch. And really, why would I ever want to say either of those things to a vietnamese person? I could say "chiec may bay mau vang" but there are not a lot of yellow airplanes around. I could say "Dang ngh con to" or "Dang tron con nah va do" but once i had commented on the fact the the house was big and the circle was small and red, the converstion would swiftly lapse. The long and the short of it is, Vietnamese is hard! The Rosetta stone is pretty cool and I feel like I am learning things but its a slow process and easy to get discouraged. Course, I feel like I am easily distracted by things that are hard...well, running and learning languages are really the only things that give me trouble lately. Also, I would like to plant a garden. Now you know! And by you, I mean the internet since I know that this is just a digital distraction for me. It does make me feel better than just looking @ pictures of kitties all day tho!

2010-03-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

I really want to start making bread more (notice a theme here of the "i really want..." variety?) I don't need to make bread in the shape of crustations but crusty bread would be prefered. I am planning on starting to make some good pizza in the near future but, due to some serious recent failiaers, I feel like I need to practice a bit. Not really sure what I am going to do w/a ton of pizza dough...make bread w/it I suppose? My whole family is quite good @ baking w/my dads ma topping the pile. Of dough. *sigh* Its harder than I expected it to be but part of that might be that I refuse to use a recipe. Maybe if I started doing that, things would turn out better for me. Actually, now that I look @ that crab more, it might be fun to make some crab bread like that and stuff it w/crab! Yeah yeah! Anh and I boiled some crabs the other day and then spend 30 mintues picking them apart to make soup w/. They were delicious! I am really excited to go to VN and eat seafood for a few weeks tho...nothing here really compares.

Wow...that was a really boring post...

keep it coming!

2010-03-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

Keep it going, keep it rocking! Should I maybe find something to mutter about or is it acceptable to just mutter about nothing? It might help my motivation to write more if I had a solid thing to comment on...or it might just annoy me and make me not want to write anything. Course, I don't write anything NOW so its not like it would be a great big change!

I want to work out more cuz the gut, she is getting away from me. Literally and figuratively. I don't like the word gut but I think thats why I use it in this context, cuz aurally and visually, its not something that I like. I keep telling myself, once the snow is melted and the water has evaporated, Ill strap on the ol' blades and sashay my wheele'd feet towards a thinner, Adoi wearing, beach lounging, me! The Adoi is probably not how you spell the Vietnamese costume that I am going to have to wear for my wedding this summer. I can't remember being more excited about something since...well since last time I got married and went to Vietnam! I think Ill wear blue...

I have serious doubts about my ability to learn the language but its something that I want so badly to do. I don't understand how my (lack of) motivation seems to hamstring me so often. Do I really not want to do these things? Is it FEAR that keeps me from working hard to accomplish them? I really don't like to think of myself as one of those "Trying is the first step to failing" folks, but I can't think of another reasonable answer for why I don't start. Maybe thats a great goal for me...don't try to do everything that you want to do @ once but instead reward yourself for accomplishing anything for a period of time longer than normal. Work on small goals? Nah, fk it. Go big!

only

2010-03-04T08:48:00.001-08:00

im only doing this because i was talking to a friend of mine last night about my writing and how much I enjoyed it and was ashamed to admit how little I had done lately and how little I had ever done on here! So, basically this is a hopeful post. A post that will maybe say "look here, brain! Your fingers miss doing your bidding and the world needs yer ticky tack keyboard ticklings!" Least, I think they do and I know that I would be a much happier hippo if I did this more often. Not just this, but something w/more exposure and more sense...

passed time

2009-03-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

I often forget how I feel towards the end of the winter
cold and grey and mimicking the weather
i certainly think this is shared
collective

sometimes I get to do this, tho
with warm people in a cold place
then staying is ok
but im still moving to the ocean for a bit someday

SC Trip

2008-12-12T07:22:00.000-08:00

Some of you (most) have already read this but its one of my favorite writings in the last couple years and it has only been up on myspace so I figured, why not put it somewhere that even less people know about and that only a fraction of those who do know actually pay attention! Its tough to be such a marketing genius. I know your all jealous ;)

12.42pm-pushing friends and everyone to bend to my whims, I begin to wrap up a great evening. One whose effects are not as pronounced as they perhaps should be but whose protein content has been staggering.

1.42am-arriving at my destination and conversing for a time w/the denizens of the particular local i, anticipating the early alarm to come, suggest sleep as a viable option. Other choices are explored and a decision is reached.
2.42am-alarms are set for the latest time i feel prudent, rechecked and possibly checked again (who can tell w/these things?) Blankets are pulled up, pillows are fluffed and somewhere, mid-fluff, sleep arrives.

4.42am-alarms scream and are reprimanded and reset for 20 odd minutes.

5.07am-alarms insist that their cause is a worth one and under the pressure of their continued hard sell and some very convincing pamphlets, i agree. Clothes are put on and the car is started in minutes. Fs place is reached in under 10 and he, to his dismay, is told to drive while i rummage in the back seat. Having had the foresight to collect all the things needed for this voyage (maybe) but not the wherewithal to actually arrange them in a manner conducive to easy transport, i spend the next 20 minutes un-packing and re-packing most of the things i own. Some are abandoned to a chilly and meaningless 2 months on the floor in my back seat.
5.42am-airport security wishes to discuss the knife content of my backpack. After a brisk and stimulating conversation about the merits of my ancient leatherman (the lock broke years ago so using the blades is basically asking to wave and shake light) i elect for an unceremonious ending to my relationship w/the dangerous hunk of metal.

7.07am-after 17 minutes of delay, the plane bound for Detroit, MI is finished boarding. I reflect on how this does not bode well for my 45 min window of transfer but since the young navy man sitting next to me seems to be encroaching on my limited sleeping space w/every passing minute, i decide to engage in a more productive line of thinking and claim some of it for my own chin/chest communication session.

9.42 am-my plane lands in Detroit. After the usual dog and pony show (performed in this case by a trio of stewardess w/ astonishing dental work but no actual resemblance to any mammal other than a human...or perhaps some very misguided and mostly shaved chimps) we all stand and, or crouch as our various locations allow.
10.07-we continue to stand.

10.27-the standing status of the entire plane has not changed much. Some of the weak and elderly have given up hope and are now huddling on the floors or attempting to stow themselves in overhead compartments. The amazing trio of dental chimps aren't pleased w/this tactic and decide to punish the rest of the herd by making us all sit down again. During this period of cramped motionlessness, various phrases have been bandied around like "snow and ice problems" and "re-hooking to the airplane mover jobber" (i swear thats what the pilot called it!) My concern is growing since my new flight was to board @ 10.10 and leave @ 10.35.

10.42-We begin the de-boarding process. The pilot mentions something about the fastest way to gates beginning in "a;lksjf" (at least thats what it sounds like to me) is to take the train unless you are a real fast runner. I decide that rather than ask for clarification, i will assume that the man is drunk and ignore everything else that he says. An amazingly helpful and breathtakingly rude woman in the terminal grunts that my new flight is at gate 27C and leaves @ 1.35pm. I begin to stride purposefully in an arbitrary direction figuring that airports, like fashion trends, are cyclical and i will eventually arrive at my destination. Also i have the better part of 4 hours to kill and just don't care.

11.07am-my strides have become much less purposeful as i have realized that thanks to the bursts of moving sidewalk i have covered just over 17 nautical miles. I have heard whispers of things called "C gates" in this sea of "As" but have yet to meet anyone who has actually been there. There is an elevated train above me that seems to be heading in the same direction that i am but i ignore its existence as the fevered ratings of a drunken pilot.

11.27-I arrive at gate 27C after passing through some sort of screaming, underground tunnel...clearly a portal to another dimension as this land of C is sparsely populated and in stark contrast to the myriad shops and restaurants in A-ville (just keep walking, i told myself...there will be plenty of good things to eat where you are going) I find a tiny TGI Fridays near my gate and sit down next to one of the most beautiful asian women I have ever seen. She does not make eye contact possibly due to my resemblance to a donkey or some other type of pack animal. I order food that I don't really want and sit down next to her. Having already given up hope on this union, i commence to consuming my chicken like sandwich w/reckless abandon while attempting to read and drink soda. I think that there is a moment where she understands this frenzied and violent dance for the ritualistic mating call that it is but am dismayed when shortly after concluding it she stands up, collects her things and leaves w/o so much as a glance.
11.42-i deposit my things and my carcass on 3 seats by the window in my gate and find the shadiest person i can to watch them while i go to the bathroom. I return to find most of them intact and decide to not pursue any line of questioning w/the large and unstable woman who is watching them like a hawk near a palsied mouse. I plug in my laptop after realizing that despite the fact that I requested a replacement battery from my company not 2 weeks ago, this one has suffered the same fate and will not work at all unless plugged in. I reflect that this must be YBs contribution to the environment-they take used batteries from consumers and "recycle" them into the machines of their employees. I am somewhat mystified by the gate sign that reads "chicago, IL-boarding time 1.27pm) but decide to ignore it as well in favor of the printed ticket in my hand and the word of the woman 2 gates down from me who told me to go and stay. I read and listen to good music and only occasionally shiver when the screen like material that passes for glass breathes w/the ferocious -30 degree wind. The gate begins to fill w/other travelers some huddled under blankets on chairs in the middle of the room (really) who look at me strangely as i continue, in the face of obvious frostbite, to sit in my chair in the corner by the window. In my defense, it is the only place that my laptop that im not using and that wont charge can be plugged in.

1.27pm-Passengers begin to board a plane for Chicago. I wander up to the gate troll to inquire about this and am silenced w/a stony stare and "im closing this flight! I can't help you!" (do it in the voice that yer mums and pas used to read you the billy goats gruff and you will get the sense of it) I return to my seat mildly confused but am bolstered when another, slightly less hideous troll galumphs up to the counter. She is equally endowed in the stare department but at least is helpfully contemptful when she tells me that "your flight is at another gate-it happens all the time. Luckily, the gate is only 3 away and I make it there in time to bear the brunt of scornful glares from the full plane. Thankfully the plane holds less than 50 people so i am not born down by their contempt. Also thankfully, I realize that my assigned seat is not occupied already and that i will be making this flight w/2 glorious spots to myself! Unfortunately the overhead compartments are all full meaning that I can still only comfortably fit around 70% of my body in the seats w/my carry-ons.
1.42pm-the plan does not take off

2.27pm-the plane still does not take off. Details of this time period are sketchy at best since i am having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I remember the pilot saying the the runway has been shut down for a time due to weather and I remember some very qualified looking individuals spraying what appeared to be frosting on the wings of the plane (but the frosting didn't stick and even when one of the jolly fellows jumped from his frosting spraying contraption and ran his fingers along the wing, pointing and gesticulating to his cohort for "more frosting! We need more frosting here!" I still could not see the merits of the operation. I understood later that this was actually a de-icing chemical and we would crash and die w/out its application...knowledge that made the rest of the very turbulent flight a joy for me.
2.42-the plane takes off. I sleep through most of the flight but when I am awakened for the 20 minutes to landing call. The landscape below is beautiful and green. I am told that the temp in Greenville is in the 60s and begin to drool in anticipation of stripping in the terminal. I temper my desire w/the sobering thoughts of spending even more time in the airport.

4.42-I finally arrive at the baggage claim/car rental in the Greenville airport. For some delightful reason, my debit card will not allow me to charge the entire month of car rental like I had planned so I book it for a week (which reminds me...) Having again shown remarkable foresight, I have not printed or retained information regarding the location or indeed even the name of my hotel. I remember that its by a mall and ask the rental car man for the closest one. He gives me the keys to a PT cruiser (really?) and points me on my way. Im off like a shot! Windows down, satellite radio blaring and very much wishing for a pair of sunglasses. Its beautiful! For a brief time I imagine that all the residents of the state have some crippling obsession w/their vehicles since they all look as if they were washed 10 minutes prior. Then i realize that they have never heard of a beast called a sand truck and feel somewhat foolish.

5.13-spirits somewhat sagging I find a local radio shack and purchase a AC/DC converter to plug my laptop in. I retrieve the hotel information ( i was only off by about 5 miles :p) and find my hotel.

Now, half a day and nation away from home, i sit in my room and tell my dear friends and complete strangers about the experience in the only way I feel comfortable...w/nonsense :) Most of it is true...some of it is...enhanced. Hope you are all well and keeping warm (ha ha?) I have great plans for my weekends and will take pictures of my escapades (but since some of you haven't seen the ones i took of my last trip i wouldn't hold out much hope of seeing these either. Kluvyabai!

2008-12-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

BDs lead...I can follow it. I though it was a good idea. Since I haven't posted here in awhile and it is something that I follow. Music, that is. And the Current somewhat. Are any of these sentences making sense? Just...look and vote or something! No weight attached to their order. Just good stuff. Im gonna go have a little lay down...

Yeasayer All Hour Cymbols
DeVotchka A Mad And Faithful Telling
TV On The Radio Dear Science
Maps Of Norway Die Off Birdsong
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!
Blitzen Trapper Furr
Bon Iver For Emma, Forever Ago
Cloud Cult Feel Good Ghosts (Tea-Partying Through Tornadoes)
Tricky Knowle West Boy
Ratatat LP3
Beck Modern Guilt
Hot Chip Made In The Dark
MGMT Oracular Spectacular
Elbow The Seldom Seen Kid
Goldfrapp Seventh Tree
Louis XIV Slick Dogs And Ponies
Nine Inch Nails The Slip
Vampire Weekend Vampire Weekend
Tapes 'n Tapes Walk It Off
The Ting Tings We Started Nothing

woe and whoo!

2008-10-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

(Cooper looks like I wanted to last nite...and tonite...and, really, for about the next week if you want to know the truth. Everyone knows that the only thing that cures being upset is drinking...and buying expensive things. Thankfully, I didn't have to choose just one...)

My goodness things can get weird sometimes! At least I bought a new car to make it better. I don't really understand how being personable is a liability. You would think that, unlike people who collect chewed gum or baseball cards, that someone who collects people would be regarded w/some kind of appreciation, grudging or not. Instead, it seems like its a recipe for some sort of horribly bitter and slightly salty muffin. A pain muffin no less! It seems to me that if you are going to explain the merits of, say, a tractor, that you would be inclined to ride the damn thing home and tool around the yard for a bit. I guess thats just me tho. I got so confused when she said that she liked the tractor...had never seen such a nice tractor...would be crazy not to want to keep the tractor around. Even to the point of saying how much she would regret trading the tractor in for a new model. I guess thats the way of things tho. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you like something. In the end, it can just be too expensive for you to keep around. Whether its because it costs too much money or too much time or gives you a headache on a regular basis or sleeps w/your sister in law (which is quite a feat...remember, we are still talking about the merits of tractors here!) That part makes sense to me in a vague way. What I don't get is this...if you have the option to make things like tractors priorities in your life and you choose not to then why are you upset when you get rid of them? Believe me, tractors wanted things to work out...

2008-09-19T11:05:00.001-07:00

This is my beastie. He is a good beastie for the most part. A little pukey and bitey sometimes but really, in the grand scheme of things, not so bad. I mean, its not like he is responsible for genocide or race wars or anything. I think that he wishes on a regular basis that he was bigger than me so he could eat me but you can't blame someone(thing) for dreaming! I got to bed early (sorta) last nite and it felt really good. Unfortunately, Haya-ji decided that 33 minutes before I had to be up was a good time come and visit me. I would be ok w/this if he wanted a little cuddle. But what he wanted to do was yell and walk on my head. Not my favorite thing. The problem was very much sparked by something that has been brewing for a couple days tho. I fed him too much the other night so he threw up everywhere so i didn't fead him as much last nite (and wasn't home inbetween) so he wouldn't throw up but it made him hungry earlier than usual. If i had to guess I would say that the ratio is about 3 peices of food for 1 minute of extra sleep. That means that I shorted him 99 pieces! I suppose, in the end, this all adds up to make me the asshole...

I have been thinking a lot (no really!) about reactions and what causes them. Its overwhelming to suppose that every little thing causes...

I hate trying to type bloggies @ werk. Everyones like, "oooh, do you have your warehouse ready yet?" Or, "hey, have you called this contractor back?" PEOPLE! I have a blog to write! Don't you know how long its been since I have posted here! Important things are leaving my head to be replaced by yer trivial phone book drivel. *snort* (in derision) Working @ work...whats next?!

To be continued...

2008-07-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

Walking down stairs is hard enough w/the lights on sometimes. Not to say that your experience doesn't give you a better percentage chance of making it...actually, lets scrap that metaphor. Its kinda crap. Lets pretend, instead, that you are walking UP stairs that are made of a giant, benevolent, emerald python. This creature means you no specific harm and his scales feel cool and pleasant on your feet. His shifting, breathing form fondles your soles but as you prepare to take your next step in the dim light, he settles restlessly. You, unprepared and unaware of his unconscious undulation, falter on formerly familiar footing. This is a pleasant experience. This is what makes getting up in the morning an important endeavour. Why in the world, or any other planet for that matter, would you want to wander a worthy wooden walkway, connected and composed and concrete. Instead, lurch, lunge and laugh on the life snake. Don't forget the laughter. Its important...

Lil' Late Rockin'

2008-06-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

I know that most of you have already discussed and decided and reveled in your memories of the fantastic gardin' rockin' that went on recently. Ive been...well not busy in the strictest sense of the word. Unless you count beers w/the locals and lots of fishing as busy. Anyhow, I wanted to get a couple of pics up that I took. I only had my camera phone so they aren't the best but they at least show that I was there. Also, I think Cloud Cult may be the best band in the world. Their music was fantastic and their attitude was so awesome! I shook hands w/the bassist after the show as he wandered the crowd and when I thanked him for coming he seemed a little embarrassed as he said "no! Thank you so much for coming!" :) Thats a beautiful thing. The rest of the music was quite good as well. The crowd was pretty crazy. I knew it was going to be big but not quite that huge. I don't know that i would have changed much of anything. Hope ya'll had as much fun as I did and if you didn't make it, put me down for next year!

btw-not quite sure what the crowd guy in the top picture is reacting to. maybe my next post should be about that? :)

light

2008-06-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

keep the conversation casual. There is nothing worse than getting to know someone for more than their surface. Sometimes the sunrise of your interaction can surf the duration of your relationship...nothing more necessary than perfunctory promises and shared make believe jibes. There is something comforting in interacting w/people in this fashion because we all have a dream of dawn...of someone cool and collected during the acceptable times and wildly wanton when we want. Is this worth our time and our hopes? Is there any reason to suspect that the darkness setting on our internal toasters is more accurate than anyone else's? I doubt it. Personally I think that people personify percentages of personal perusal. Our overt auras accentuate all we wish we were able to wed.

Involuntary Passing

2008-05-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

I was promised sleep. By myself, granted, but promised none the less. Its not that I wanted it...other than for my health. 6 days of post 1.5am unconsciousness had worn down my edges a bit. Frayed patterns were creeping into my vision from time to time. I didn't stop because i was having fun. That and I was quite excited to talk to her again whenever I could. We had been texting for hours. Funny things and others (possibly) laced w/subtext. Whos to say w/text conversations? The best you can hope for is to amuse and endear. The worst is to offend and alienate.
I felt like the evening was progressing favorably. F and I were wandering our Nic. neighborhood for beers and burgers and then further down for red jax for the vodka I had @ home...and then further down for more vodka when we both remembered that C and the two of us had severely crippled the original cache the night before. I think i saw an old HS friends brother taking a break from his apartment cleaning job. Last time I saw him, some 12 years ago, he was going to kick my ass for "taking his woman." I had "taken" her to her family in her home town about 5 hours away because he was an abusive drunk who couldn't stay out of jail. I didn't feel the need to talk to him about old times and i don't think he recognized me. At least i didn't get anything sharp jabbed into my squishy bits so I had to assume he didn't.
Ran into J and R outside the liquor store. R had some tasty Canadian beer and gave me my geo lesson for the day. Whats the only US city thats actually north of a Canadian city? I didn't know either :)
F and I had lively conversation on the way back. The text thread had wound itself indelibly into the walking and talking. It was so easy and comfortable. A very enjoyable sensation for a beautiful summer(esque) evening. We made it back to home base at about quarter to 10 and settled down for some serious burned tv watching. I made us drinks that turned out to be very near the stomach turning, floor spitting variety of the prior nights study in grossoutology. That weeks theme happened to be "1/4 of drinkable beer w/slyly inserted cigarette." I was lucky i was out on the porch when i spit that one out. This weeks theme of "poorly recognized DIET energy drink mixed w/excessive amounts of slightly shiver inducing vodka" wasn't quite as horrible. Still unfortunate when you take a big gulp since you don't notice the awful truth for a few seconds. Oh, that aftertaste!
I made it upstairs and brushed and comfy by 11.42. The texting had continued, unabated and there was some ideas being batted around about meeting up @ 1am. As I lay in the darkness on my back, hands folded across my stomach and phone in hand, awaiting the next conversational morsel, I started to drift. Time seemed to stretch and bow between each buzz. I contemplated mentioning the fact that I now had to close one eye to text back but figured I would be fine...
It was 3.54am. My phone was halfway across my king sized (an ocean for those of you who haven't spent any time in one) I had a voice mail and a text message waiting for me. Anyone who knows me knows well that this is not a situation I find myself in often. I would have loved to go out!
It was 6.33 am and I woke w/a smile. I felt refreshed and happy and ready for a truly adventurous weekend. Its amazing what an extra hour and a bit can do for your sense of well being. Next time...I promise...ill meet you and sleep when im dead...

how many is enough?

2008-05-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

The first party was nice. Good people and a pleasant atmosphere. I felt like a responsible adult as i helped w/the grilling and sipped on a beer. I showed a child how to play Bocci and didn't laugh much when he sucked. I talked to friends I don't get to see often about houses and dogs and white picket fences. I set the yard on fire in a controlled manner. B got to cuddle w/her neice. Apparently, J didn't get the big kid memo and drank 3 litres of wine from a massive magnum. I think i saw her strap it to her back and run around the yard w/a bendy straw in her mouth. Or maybe that was just a lovely dream created by the rest of the weekend. Seriously...
Got to Cs place around 11 w/B and J in tow. One was sleepy and the other was rocking. We quickly began the stewing process in the hot tub. Cs parents were out of town and so we were all 17 again. S came out shortly after and added his flavor to our mix. He was 17 now as well. We drank and laughed and drank and took pictures and drank and smoked and drank. I brought a bottle of chocolate vodka over. There was not any left by 1am or so. S took off and the rest of us slept. My morning mouth was filled to the brim w/kitty litter so the logical answer was mimosas. This had been planned prior but i don't think anyone ment for us to have a bottle of champagne each. Its real hard to feel bad on a beautiful day in a hot tub w/bubbles on your body and bubbles on your lips. S came back over and C made ungodly good french toast. Im slightly droopy now on this monday morning and i think that the toxic mix of cigs and hot tub fumes may have turned my lungs into a permanent festering mass of unpleasantness but thats ok. I wouldn't do anything differently if i knew i was going to die in 2 years than im doing now. And i plan on living to around 120 at the moment...

Cousins Daughter

2008-05-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

My Cousins daughter was sitting on one of the 4 high stools at the kitchen counter. We we all warm and happy after a day of fishing and consuming. Family time in the spring in the woods. Pleasant. Cousin had gone downstairs with her son and the little blond wobbler had stayed upstairs. She was carrying on a fairly animated conversation with and older male in the group when she noticed who she was talking to. She, at barely over 2, had already understood the inherent difficulties of the male and female relationship. Her little mind, reeling w/the sudden knowledge of the ages, tipped her off the stool to topple to the wood floor. Her Grandpa quickly helped her unsteadily to her feet. "Are you alright, Honey?" We looked in concern at the slowly tearing eyes. "Ill be right back" was the uneven response. "What, Darling?" Grandpas concern was still there but it had been tempered by a slight amusement. "Ill be right back." The response had no more conviction but, resolved, she turned on her heal and shuffled downstairs to my Cousin.

Whats the Charge Officer?

2008-05-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

The night was young but i was already weary. Long drives and excessive consumption from the prior few days had sapped some of my reserves of energy. However my resolve was strong. Mr. Nuevo was awaiting my arrival and I couldn't let him down.
Arriving in Minneapolis, i found it blustery and moist, a condition that is fairly common for the spring in Minnesota. After consuming a few beers and a few cigs on my front porch, we decided to amble to azia for some late night happy hour. Mr. Pants was barred from attending on the grounds that he had to work in the morning and had done terrible (and wonderful) things to himself a few nights prior. Nuevo and I sauntered through the bluster for 4 blocks and deposited ourselves in the soft and warm glow at the bar.
The evening was progressing normally. Various exotic beverages were being thrust into our hands, consumed, discussed and then replaced w/new. Cheap and tasty sushi arrived and disappeared in the usual fashion. The old drunk on the stool next to us attempted to be cultured by discussing a Brazilian liquor that he couldn't pronounce. We were not in a position to dissuade him but rather listened politely and then endeavored to ignore him for the remainder of our time.
Around 1.15am, Nuevo went to the bathroom. I was about to order us another round when he appeared at my side, wild eyed and proclaimed that it was, "time to go...now!" I calmly paid the bill while he crouched outside in the rain, occasionally peering around the side of the building. When i was done w/the check, i walked outside and collected him. It seems that he had gotten into a minor altercation in the restroom and was concerned about his status as a free man for the remainder of the weekend. It seemed to me to be a logical reaction and so, crossing the street to the east side of Nicollet, we began the chilly and damp walk home.
About 1/4 of a block from the bar, we passed a bus stop w/a lone swaying drunk in his mid 40s. He looked like a native American but was mumbling to himself in Spanish. As we passed, he tried to form a sentence to impart on us his extreme desire to go wherever we were going. Failing that, he started to repeat the phrase "where going tonight?" and other variations of that theme. We told him that we were going home and that he should get back under the bus shelter. Handing him some change and a lucky, we turned and began to walk away. Initially, it seemed that he had accepted this exchange but we hadn't gone more than 10 steps before he began to lumber and swerve after us, reviving his "where going" mantra. We stopped again by a light pole and he caught up, eyes unfocused w/the remains of the smoke I had given him unlit in his left hand. It appeared that he had tried to consume it immediately after I had handed it to him. It was half soaked and ratty as if it had taken more than 2 chews to realize that it wasn't, in any conventional sense, food.
"You need to go back to yer bus stop, man." Nuevo and I both attempted to impart the wisdom of this to him. He seemed to understand on a fundamental level but something was obviously preventing him from acquiescence. It was as if he had something very important for us to know or something that he needed to accomplish but just couldn't remember what it was. Having been in similar situation myself in the past, albeit not quite as excessively, I took some pity on him. "here" I said. "you need to throw that cig away." "Let me light you one." I reached into my pocket for a fresh lucky and as i did so, the drunk wrapped his arms and legs around the lamp pole and pretended to hump it, complete w/grunts of satisfaction. It seemed at the time that this was his solution to his dilemma. He couldn't remember what he wanted to say, how he wanted to say it or where he wanted to go, but the look on his face told me that he was proud of what he was currently doing and hoped that we found it as humorous as he did.
The problem w/this muddled line of thinking quickly became apparent. I had just finished lighting the cig and handing it to him when i noticed that his demeanor had changed from jovial and slightly confused to highly aroused and full of purpose. It had only taken 2 fake thrusts at the pole to excite him to the point of no return. He was now a man on a mission. That mission was to impregnate that light pole. Nuevo and I tried to stifle our laughter for the rest of the block as his grunts of satisfaction faded into the distance. As we rounded the corner of Nicollet, a squad car turned and headed towards the man on a mission. I regret not turning and watching what im sure was an interesting confrontation.

"Whats the charge officer?"

"Impregnating city property..."